Are you truly living in the present moment?
Reflections on Human Design gate 46 from a 3/5 Sacral Generator perspective
I stumbled on a cool Baker versus Messenger quiz today where the results brought an insight that I would love to share with you. And if you have no freaking clue what I am talking about, here’s the quiz for you to check out for yourself.
This morning I had delved back into my Sun gate and Gene Key contemplation. The floodgates had opened with lots of reflective prompts that I simply allowed to simmer. I didn’t go looking for answers. Yet, something the quiz result mentioned did exactly that - it gave me an answer to all the questions I’d posed for myself about gate 46.
Rewind slightly, my quiz result was True Messenger. Ayla, the creator of the quiz, writes:
“Most Messengers have a big or unusual message to share, which wasn’t embraced when they were young.”
As soon as I read that, I realised how controlled my path up to my high school graduation was, and in all honesty, even beyond it. And I am in no way judging my parents or my upbringing, but merely pointing out how most of us have been brought up. We’ve been told to go to school, get a good education, get the grades, get a degree, get a job, build a career, get married, have kids, and then retire and enjoy life. You get my drift, right?
That time when things went horribly wrong
For the majority of my life, I bought into it. I went to school, studied hard, got good grades, was made to take a vocational training course whilst attending high school to secure my ability to get a job after I graduated. But it all seemed to have gone horribly wrong after I actually graduated.
As a pretty much straight A student, I did not get into the university I had applied for. All my hard work did not pay off. The one that on paper was most likely to succeed, did not succeed.
But it did lead me down a path that took me to this point. It took me to a life where I started to question these traditional trajectories we are told to put our trust and faith into. With one small caveat - shaking off that conscious control of my life has been hard to do.
Even with modalities such as Human Design and Breathwork, I still find myself trying to control my trajectory, which, most days, can feel so counterintuitive and counterproductive. Granted, the trajectory no longer aligns with the societal norms but what I am finding is that the pattern of it does. There is still something within me that is constantly seeking a destination, a point in time when I can say I made it.
I can only imagine that point is death, really. Lying on my deathbed and looking back on all the crazy experiences life offered me and feeling this deep soul-level satisfaction that I did it my way. That’s the dream, anyway.
Even so, with all the questioning I’ve been doing for the last 7-8 yeas, I still managed to squeeze two university degrees in there, still holding onto the last hopeful remnants of academic success. Trying to prove my worth through the intellect. Trying to make myself fit into a box that is so clearly not meant for me.
Remnants of that trying are showing up still but in different ways. I am finding that with each layer of questioning, I am getting closer and closer to surrendering that control, to letting my mind stop interferring with life, to trusting the forces beyond my control and leaning into deeper and deeper levels of self-trust, that no matter what, life will provide exactly what’s needed.
Learning how to let go of conscious control
Technically, it is the same lesson that I am constanly learning and re-learning. And the lesson is on how to let go of conscious control. The lesson is how to surrender to the flow of life and release all expectations. The lesson is on appreciating the richness of being alive. And being alive is not easy, right? It comes with all sorts of challenges and struggles, but also an immense amount of beauty and awe.
The questions I find myself returning to:
What practices help me feel appreciation to the richness of life?
What practices help me trust in life and forces beyond my control?
What practices allow me to cultivate my body’s capacity for trust and surrender?
The practices I have been returning to over and over in the last year are Breathwork and Yin Yoga, both allowing me to come back into my body and into the present moment. It is through these practices that I’ve realised something.
Being in this world is a Felt Sense experience
Being in this world is ultimately a Felt Sense experience. Being is the feeling of our own presence and essence. Simply being in this world is enough. There is no cosmic rule out there that makes us prove our worth in being here. It’s all the narratives our minds have told us, one generation after another, until it’s become so ingrained in us that a different way of being feels so foreign.
But a different way of being is possible.
Eckhart Tolle writes that if the quality of our consciousness at this moment determines our future, it is the quality of our presence that determines our quality of consciousness. Once we are conscious of our ego attachments, we are no longer resisting it which means we are ready to transmute it. And that is the power of now. Our access point, our body.
To come full circle with this, the message that I am here to share that I wasn’t truly allowed to embrace is that we can trust in life, and when we stop living from our mind and forcing our life to go a certain way, we will be taken exactly where we need to get to.
Question is - are we open enough to let life in?
Journal Prompts for you to reflect on
How am I consciously controlling my life?
Am I truly living in the present moment?
What is stopping me from fully living in the present moment?
How can I lean into trusting that life will take me where I need to go?
How can I stop interferring with life?
What is the story I am excited to live?
Are you curious about your Human Design and what it might allow you to reveal about your own narratives that you’re still trying to uphold?
You can pop your question here or come hang out with your question and me for a quick 30-minute coffee chat.
This is right up my alley. ❤️