Dear cosmic wanderer,
Today I want to take you back to the portal that opened me up to Cosmic Wisdom. I remember the days prior to my accident so clearly. I remember the frustration that had built up. I remember the helplessness. I remember the silent, and not-so-silent cries for change. I remember the victim mentality that was so hard to shake off.
The tiredness of the same old
“When will this end?” I remember myself saying out loud as I was getting ready to cycle to work, yet again, one January morning.
In all honesty, I was tired. I was so tired of the same old that was slowly zapping all life force out of me. I was tired of the constant hustle for little to no reward. I was tired of constantly pushing this boulder up a mountain that wasn’t even my mountain to climb. I was tired of chasing things.
I was tired, plain and simple.
On the morning of my accident, I had a big revelation that I thought was going to define the path forward. And on that afternoon, I was struck down.
“Not quite,” whispered the cosmos.
I was on my way home after a day’s work. It was 13 January 2021, about ten minutes to five. I’d cycled down that same route for couple of years now. I knew every hazardous point. I knew where to take extra care and where to pay extra attention.
But on that afternoon, a car was edging out of a car park. I’d spotted it from afar. As it was blocking the cycle path, I slowed down to assess the driver’s intentions. As I saw it back up a bit, I assumed the driver had spotted me with my gear all flashing and lit up. But, as I slowly edged forward, the car started back up again, moving forward this time. It was too late to stop or swerve out of the way so I ended up right on its path.
I don’t remember the specifics of the impact. All I can see in my mind’s eye is rolling and tossing and landing on the road and finally coming to. I didn’t realise I’d broken my leg until I tried to stand up but couldn’t. The adrenaline rush was masking the pain. I’ve since learned our bodies do that to protect us.
My initial thought, I remember, was that I’d twisted my knee. Little did I know my femur had snapped in half.
A clean break
“A clean break,” the doctor said, as he showed me the X-ray of my left leg on my 3-month check-up.
The pain came later. Oh, the pain.
I remember a moment in the hospital where I allowed myself to fully surrender to what was. Somewhere deep down I knew the only way through the pain was to heal, to allow the body to heal. But in the meantime, all I could do was to surrender to what was - the looming operation, the recovery, the life after.
There was another weird experience that has stuck with me. It was a day after the accident as I lay in the hospital bed waiting on my surgery. I remember the nurses had been looking for the weights to realign my leg most of that day. Eventually, at the end of the day, they’d found it and come to set my leg straight.
I knew this was gonna hurt. And it did. I cry for that version of me who had to endure it, who had the courage to endure it, and to lean into it with strength. It hurt like a motherfucker. But somewhere in that laughing gas delirium I saw a vision and I heard a voice.
Over and over, the voice said: “It all makes sense!”
“IT.ALL.MAKES.SENSE.”
As these words were spoken by a deep and calm male voice, circles, crystals, and butterflies emerged in front of me and started to create a wheel, kinda like a natal chart wheel with 12 houses and zodiac signs. It was later on when I saw the Human Design mandala for the first time that I realised this is what the vision was about. This is what the crystals were about. This is what the butterflies were about.
A portal of deep transformation and healing had opened up.
No going back
I was signed off from the hospital six days later. The recovery journey had begun.
In the time that I was ridden to my bed, Human Design found me. The revelation that I’d had on the morning of my accident was less significant now. I finally saw myself so clearly. I saw my life through a lens that was finally clean. I felt so validated and recognised for all the stuff I’d experienced. And then the reality hit…
“Now what?”
I knew going back was no option.
How does one go back to living a lie?
How does one go back to living a life a meaningless existence of pointless chasing?
How does one unsee what one has seen?
There was no way back, only forward. The more I read and explored, the deeper I went, the more I wanted to know. The more I saw the true possibility of Human Design. And along the way, I also deepened my knowledge and gnosis with astrology which then led me to the Gene Keys. Until last year, breathwork found me.
It is as if the stars had realigned on that cold January morning, under a New Moon in Capricorn. The old structures were no longer working so they crumbled to the sea.
It was later on I discovered that this all happened on my Nodal return with my natal Saturn squaring the transiting Saturn, Mars opposing my natal Saturn, transiting Jupiter forming a waxing sextile with my natal Jupiter and Uranus conjunction, and Pluto edging closer to squaring my natal Pluto - a reorientation, a realignment, a readjustment, a recorrection of the path through life. I’d gotten so far off the course that it needed to happen externally. I needed to be pushed down so that I could arise anew. I needed to be initiated into a different way of living.
The weirdest thing about this whole thing is that according to the police and the various statements, it was near impossible to break a leg, let alone the femur bone, which is the strongest bone in our body, due to the speeds involved. It’s as if a lightning bolt hit me at that very moment, struck me down, and cracked me open.
The more I explored, the deeper I delved, the less I needed proof to our interconnected life. It has become even less about proof and more about interconnectedness.
As above, so below, as within, so without.
There is something to be said about the disenchantment of our species. We only need to look at the news headlines to see it in action. We only need to see how we are behaving with ourselves and with each other. We are lost. We are disconnected. But we are not broken.
We are so disconnected from ourselves and each other
because we are disconnected from the world around us.
It is because we think we are separate from everything around us. We have become ignorant of our connectedness to the whole. But we are not separate from the whole. We are all interlinked. We are all connected to everything else. We all come from the same source. We are all made of the same stuff. We are all one part of the whole, like tiny little puzzle pieces waiting to be locked into place.
As above, so below, as within, so without.
If you’re in the Cosmic Wisdom communities, you will have heard that quote before. And it’s not that the planets influence us or cause the events that happen in our lives, but, rather, it’s all energy, it’s all energetically linked. The movement of the planets, in a way, are mirrored in us and our world. The planets are archetypes, qualities of energy which then correlate to our physical lives as, those too, are made up of qualities of energy, principles, and archetypes.
In Human Design, we are talking about neutrinos as transmitters of energy, which is information. The Sun is the biggest neutrino transmitter. They are called the breath of sun. To simplify, this means that the energy of the Sun is the most influential on us and our lives. The sun carries a lot of information. And as these neutrinos pass through various sources such as planets, hexagrams, or genes, they manifest in different ways. And that is when we talk about individual and collective energies. And these energies affect our psyche and our human experience.
The more attuned we become with our selves, the more attuned, inevitably,
we become with the world around us.
And I suppose that is the point of this letter, dear wanderer.
Don’t wait until your desperation runs your life.
Don’t wait until an external course-correction is needed.
Don’t wait to listen to the whispers within. Do it now, right now.
No matter how big or small the steps, live a life that is yours, that is true to who you are, that is aligned with your principles and values.
Follow the thread of what lights you up.
Go where your heart is calling you.
Pay attention to the nudges.
And listen within. For that is where your answers lie.
For those answers within will reveal your untrodden path.
Your fellow cosmic wanderer,
Silvia
Ways to explore your untrodden path with me
Welcome,
dear fellow dreamer, healer and weaver,artist and writer,
fellow cosmic wanderer, fellow hippie heart,
a gentle soul who quietly rebels againts the norm,
who's never quite fit into the boxes we're given,
who holds revolutionary visions for our world,
who dreams of doing soul-fulfilling work out there but doesn't quite know where to start.
Welcome to The Pilgrim's Inn.
How can we live more deeply aligned with our values and principles?
How can we lean deeper into the essence of our true nature and allow it to emerge more fully?
How can we surrender to the unfolding of our lives and trust that this is exactly the path for us?
These are but a few questions past travelers have explored at the Pilgrim's Inn.
Perhaps you have your own question you've been journeying with. If so, you're welcome to rest here for a moment. Allow us to explore it together. Allow us to breathe with it. Allow us to be with it and meander down the various dark pathways.
I will meet you inside!
Such a powerful story! Thank you for sharing your wisdom, and your journey!
Wow, Silvia. This was such a fascinating read, and beautifully written. Thank you for sharing your story – there's so many teachings I've taken away from it. 😊