Moonthly Letter IX: Thoughts on what it means to consciously surrender and lean into trusting our bodies
Ponderings on Cancer season wisdom, a brand new offering + July Delights
I want to talk to you about slowness, surrender, resistance and trust.
I want to talk to you about trusting in our body’s sacred pace.
I want to talk to you about feeling safe in our bodies to trust our sacred pace.
As a society, we are taught the complete opposite. We are not taught to go through this life trusting what our bodies want, need, and desire. We are not taught to lean into our bodies and listen.
We are taught to go against what our bodies know.
We are taught to rely on our minds, our beautiful logical minds.
But our minds don’t always know the way. Our minds don’t always know what we truly desire. We think they do so we override our body knowing without even realising what it’s telling us.
It is in the slowing down that we learn to listen, notice, and pay attention to the subtle differences.
And this is where I’ve been at in July, in Cancer season this year.
I feel like I am only scratching the surface. And I want to honour my completely open Root center here for the wisdom that is emerging.
I heard Amy Lee recently talking about completely open centers as pure mirrors. A completely open center in Human Design is a center that is completely white. There’s no definition at all. There are no gates, nothing. We could think of it as a pure blank canvas. What will you make of it? How will you define it?
I’ve been sitting in the discomfort of it all, delayering all the conditioning I’ve hoarded within that open center. I’ve been sitting with the discomfort of the external pressure telling me to do something, anything, to be productive. Yet, the body wants none of it. The body is telling me to rest, digest, integrate, and be.
The body is telling me to lean into trusting my own sacred pace.
Trust, let’s look at the etymology. From Old Norse traust it means “help, confidence, protection, support.” Dutch troost means “comfort, consolation.” Gothic trausti means “agreement, alliance.” From late 14th century it means “that on which one relies.”
Relying on one’s sacred pace.
Finding comfort in one’s sacred pace.
Being in alliance with one’s body and its sacred pace.
To me, there is no lens through which I see, feel and interpret my open Root center when I truly trust in my sacred pace. One could argue that transits would provide some influence and that open centers might be more sensitive to them. We would pick up the subtle energies more readily and easily. I am yet to experiment with and reflect on that.
What I can say is that I do pick up on external Root pressure. In fact, I am very sensitive to others’ pace, so much so that I’ve spent my entire life doing and striving and filling every moment with something we can deem as productive. This show up especially in my work environment. When given a task, I feel this pressure needing to get the task done as soon as possible, even when it’s not urgent. I feel the urgency in my own body and see how it plays out in my mind. And I know I’m not alone in this. We as a society are taught to be productive so that we can deem ourselves as functional human beings, doing our part, earning our keep.
There is a lot of shame I am carrying with me in wanting a slower paced life. When I, once again, asked for my hours to be reduced at my day job, I had no end of guilt leaving work on a Wednesday only to return a week later, knowing that my colleagues did not have that same freedom.
Who am I to want more spaciousness when everyone else is working full-time?
Who am I to want more from this life than to earn a living in a steady job?
Who am I to dream bigger than a 9-5 when others are, from where I’m standing, so content to spend their lives in a job that can be so soul-destroying?
I’ve come to accept that this is my journey and not theirs.
I’ve come to trust that me creating this spaciousness is for something.
I’m learning to trust in conscious surrender just as I do with my every exhale.
I’m learning that surrender is not passive.
I’m learning that conscious surrender is about allowing the dance between you and life to flow in unity.
I’m learning that conscious surrender is about co-creation.
I’m learning that conscious surrender is about attunement to what life wants to offer and being open to receiving it.
I’m learning that conscious surrender is about receptivity to life.
Conscious surrender is about becoming receptive to what’s meant for us.
Conscious surrender is about making space for our desires.
To consciously receive all of life is to co-create it.
To consciously allow all of life to receive us is to be attuned to our desires, to show up from the place of our truthfulness.
My open Root center is teaching me to slow down, to not rush through life, to not succumb to busyness for its own sake.
My open Root center is teaching me to breathe in the spaciousness of life, to be in the spaciousness of life, to see the magic we all hold, the magic this whole universe holds.
I’m also learning about my Sacral being.
I’m learning that it is not selfish to put my energy first.
I’m learning that the world needs me lit up.
I’m learning where my energy is needed.
I’m learning that my Sacral “No” is a protection mechanism.
I’m learning that my Sacral “Yes” is a protection mechanism.
I’m learning that my Sacral response is a way to set healthy boundaries, with myself and with others.
I’m learning to lean on my definition more, to learn from it, to attune to the subtle energies that the mind often wants to override.
The last Cancer cycle has been so illuminating. It was under a Cancer New Moon in 2022 that I realised how my shadow of seriousness stems from lack of trust. I had a need to feel in control and force things to go a certain way rather than surrendering. But I didn’t have this deep understanding of surrender back then. I thought of it as a passive act rather than an act of co-creation.
A year ago I did not feel safe enough in my own body to slow down. Today I do. Today I can tell you that I trust that my body knows. Even when the mind wants to override it, my body knows.
We have been swimming in the sea of Mars and Saturn opposition recently. It is the blossoming of the conjunction that occurred on 5. April 2022. Thinking back to April last year, I’d been going through a phased return to work after my accident. My hours were slowly increasing and I did not like it. I was starting to toy with the idea to officially reduce my contracted hours.
That Mars-Saturn conjunction took place in my 6th House Aquarius conjunct to my natal Black Lilith. Looking back, I wasn’t consciously aware of that transit but now I see that I was asserting new boundaries around my work-life balance. I was waking up to this desire to pave my own path instead of following in the footsteps of others who’d gone before me. The seed of wanting to break free from the structures of my day job was planted. A month later I boldly asked for what I needed to realign my physical life.
I feel like it is only now during the culmination of that conjunction that I am truly realising why I needed to ask for that spaciousness.
I’m curious: where did that conjunction occur in your chart? What was the seed that was planted? What’s the blossom you’re now witnessing?
Feel free to comment below or reply to the email. I welcome one-on-one conversations. Or if you feel called to talk about it or anything else that’s present for you, I would love to hold space for you at The Pilgrim’s Inn.
July has been wet, windy and cold here in the UK. But there’s been plenty of delights keeping me warm.
The collective readings from Swimming Through the Void. It is so satisfying to watch someone simply doing their thing.
New music from Colbie Caillat, Noah Gundersen, Patrick Droney.
This interview with Kelly Clarkson.
This Human Design Coffee Talk on living moment to moment with Jonah Dempcy.
This conversation on Pluto and Saturn.
A collaborative wild poem project from
You’ve got til Tuesday to send in your lines.Conversation like this and this and this on being in our integrity and living a life aligned with our inherent values.
Noticing nature on my work commute.
I found this really wonderful to read - thank you Sylvia. I have particularly been touched by the bit about surrendering not being passive, and that it's about allowing the dance between you and life to flow in unity. I've just discovered how amazing it feels to move my body in intuitive ways, allowing myself to be carried by the flow. It's about surrendering, but also being open to receiving - truly a dance of ebbs and flows.
This is so beautiful and timely for me. I have a chronic health condition that makes my body crave sleep, all of the time. Sleep that is never restorative - just a temporary break from enduring my body’s craving for more.
Finding the trust from this place is so hard but so important. For so long i’ve managed it by disconnecting from my body completely - to the detriment of my well-being and health and real-world connection. Now that’s all caught up with me I need to find some sort of balance, but it’s difficult when the world around you is telling you that your body’s needs are unacceptable