Moonthly Letter VI: You are right on time.
Embracing the moment we are in + a gift for you
I feel like I am living a double life.
I have my day job as a library assistant where no one knows about all the “secret” things I do when I’m not there.
I have my four days of freedom from the day job where I immerse myself in all the things that light up my sacral.
Whenever the day job arrives, I feel this deep resistance and frustration that I have to give up my precious time and energy for something that does not light up my sacral in a way the other life does.
Whenever the freedom days arrive, I feel expansive, grounded, at ease.
So these two identities are clashing but they’re also very separate from each other. It’s not that I hide all the magical things I am doing behind the closed doors but I am also not shouting it from the roof tops. Yet, in this space here with you, I find some release in sharing all the things I am doing behind the closed doors. And I have my magical circle where I get to be that liberated self. And I have my breathwork where I get to explore who that liberated self really is.
Lately, something has been shifting. There are no words for it yet so I am not going to even attempt to clothe it with words. But I can feel it. I can feel all the internal and external work that I am doing is reaching a sort of tipping point.
Astrologically, this whole cycle can be related to my natal Saturn and the transiting Sun, with the Sun being the light-giving source, the life force itself, and Saturn being the restrictions and the limitations that we place on ourselves, but that are also placed on ourselves by others. And so the following questions arise:
How can we unlearn the self-limiting stories that we tell ourselves?
How can we liberate ourselves from the self-imposed shackles?
How can we embrace the true essence of our being in a world that is constantly telling us what to do, who to be, how to live?
In his book “Planets in Transit”, Robert Hand talks about Dane Rudhyar’s dynamic cycle approach. The basis for it is that we consider the whole cycle with each aspect as a part of the whole. There is this archetypal way of looking at and interpreting the cycles of the natal and the transiting planets.
In short, the cycle begins with a conjunction which is when the transiting planet is going over the natal planet. We then move to the various major aspects that are basically angles that the planets make with each other. I talked a bit about my approach to aspects in this lunar invitation. To summarise, I view aspects as conversations between planets. And the quality of the conversation is determined by the aspect itself.
So when I take a look at the cycle that my natal Saturn and the transiting Sun are currently in, I am finding that a lot of data is supporting Dane Rudhyar’s approach to transits. There is a sense of a journey that is happening that can be correlated with the archetypal themes of the Sun and Saturn. And the themes can also be connected with the house themes where these aspects have happened and are happening.
The transiting Sun has recently opposed my natal Saturn. This, according to Hand and Rudhyar is a time period of a culmination. In a way, they say that this is a transitional period where you take everything you’ve learned thus far during this cycle and start to adapt so that you can move up a level.
Personally, I believe these self-awareness modalities work best when we are able to utilise them in a way that encourages self-growth and a deepening of our self-awareness. And the opposition represents this new phase of our development.
It has been rather insightful to look back on my journal entries since this new cycle began and connect the dots with the various stages. Which is why I believe journalling is such an integral part of the process of deepening our self-awareness and building up self-trust in ourselves and in life. And very often I don’t make those connections in the now but rather when I am looking back and reflecting on where I’ve been, where I am and where I want to go.
And to tie it back to my magical circle, I have been workshopping my intuitive arts skills with my astrology and Human Design knowledge, which in and of itself has been such an incredible journey thus far. As someone with a lot of wounding around visibility, being in community with other magical beings, and vocalising what’s been present week after week in a communal way, and being reflected back how I’m showing up to the readings with the magic that I hold and the impact that I have, has been so freaking healing and empowering. My sacral has been lit up after every reading and every vocalisation. And that to me is a big freaking YES.
I guess the point of this vocalisation (a term my teacher/shepherd/fellow wanderer on this magical journey, Britten, has introduced me to, Thank you!) is that things are changing and shifting both internally but also externally, with the external shifts slightly slower than the internal. And I am OK with that. I am embracing the work that I am doing with my Root chakra and my Root center, and the planetary conversations I’ve been having with Saturn.
Funny, Saturn as a father figure appeared to me recently through my own dad.
I heard the words:
“I am my father’s legacy.”
My dad passed away very suddenly in my late teens. One night he walked out the door and he never came home. I believe I’ve never truly dealt with that grief and I’ve never truly accepted that he is gone in his physical form. So to hear these words was very eye-opening.
I am very aware of personally nearing the age he was when he passed. It’s almost as if this is some kind of a benchmark I’ve given myself. There is this undercurrent of fear of what will happen when I reach that point, as if it is some sort of a threshold. But we’ve led two very different lives up to this threshold point.
Both of our lives have been simple. We both share a streak of stubborness, his Aries Sun and my Aries Moon. His Aries Sun opposing my Libra Sun. Cardinal Air meeting Cardinal Fire. And yet I imagine he was dealing with his own darkness internally just as I can recognise the darkness within myself. I have a newfound compassion to the life he led, to the addiction that troubled him, to the darkness he was trying to get away from through that addiction.
The day he passed, a transiting Aries Sun had just passed my natal Aries Moon.
To hear these words of being my father’s legacy was a true wake-up call in a way. And in a way I am in the middle of unravelling what it even means. I’d always thought that he left nothing behind, but he did. He left me behind. I don’t mean that in a sense that he abanonded me but rather he left me here on earth for a reason. And so my responsibility is for that reason. My responsibility is to unravel it, to nurture it, to shine it outward.
What will I make of his legacy?
I’ve been rushing through life, trying to find purpose and meaning, skipping from one thing to the next without ever truly slowing down and embracing the moment I find myself in at every given moment. There has always been some other place, some other thing I’ve needed to get to or get away from.
In conjunction to the realisation above, I also heard the following words in that same session:
“I have exactly the right amount of time that I need on this earth.”
And what I realised through those words is that no matter where I am going, I have to go there at my pace. Just because I am going faster, does not mean I will get there faster. In fact, the opposite has been true. By going faster, I’ve actually hindered myself. And yet, I also recognise and accept that this is the journey I’ve needed to be on.
There is a saying in Human Design that our open, undefined centers are the places where we are the wisest. And I am starting to sense some truth in that. My completely open Root center holds so much wisdom if only I learn to listen. And that’s just it - are we willing to go there? Are we willing to dive deep into our inner darkness and shed some light on the corners we’d rather ignore?
Thank you for being here and for reading and for witnessing my journey.
May we all find that gentle courage within to face the darkness and shed some light on the unloved parts of our beautiful magical selves.
Sending you all my love,
Silvia
There is no timeframe but your own.
There is no path but your own.
Pause, take a breath, allow the wisdom to emerge from deep within.
What is that faint whisper within you begging to be heard?
What is it asking you to walk towards?
What is it asking you to walk away from?
I’m curious: what’s been present for you in your life?
And now the gift I promised you.
In honour of recently completing a 16-hour foundational course in breathwork through Breathing Space I would love to invite you to receive a breath with me.
With the playlist I’ve created below, I'm inviting you to simply be present with your breath. I’m inviting you to gift yourself a moment of stillness.
Notice the tension points in your body. Send some breath there with every inhale and release it with every exhale.
Feel free to do this sitting up or lying down. Trust your body and your breath to show you what it is you need.
Trust your body and breath to tell you how deep you need to go, how slow you need to take it.
Trust your hands where on the body they need to land. Maybe they need to move around from one spot to another. Allow your breath and your body to be your guide.
Notice the thoughts but try not to get too hung up on them. Watch them pass you by like the clouds passing by overhead.
Notice the intuitive messages that pop up. There’s no need to question them or make sense of them at this point. Simply allow them to emerge.
And finally, when you’re back from the journey, I would love to invite you to either journal or create art afterwards, whichever feels true in the moment. Make a note on the intuitive messages that emerged, and then, gently, when you’re ready, re-enter your practical life. Give yourself grace and nourishment. Thank yourself for gifting this moment to your body, mind and soul.
If you do decide to go on this little journey, I'd love to hear about your experience. Please feel free to comment below or send me an email.
April has been such a hectic month but I would not have had it any other way.
Yet, in the busyness I have embraced the slowness. In no particular order, these are my April Delights. No links this month, just simple, magical, mundane moments.
Breathwork.
Journalling.
Soaking up the few sunny moments.
Trees coming back to life.
Birdsong.
Sourdough bread.
Cheese.
Magical conversations.
Breathwork mandala meditations.
Daffodils on a windowsill.
Singing and dancing while cooking dinner.
Slow walks from the train station to the workplace with inspiring conversation in my ear.
Your turn. What’s been on your Delight list in April?
How can we unlearn self limiting beliefs? Dissect them, write them down and have a dialogue with yourself, experiment with the opposite, feel it and speak your truth to the world. You are doing it. You are amazing.
The lessons out passed family can teach us. Amazing stuff Silvia. Profound realizations can come from these connections. I has two projector aunts die within a year of each other about a year or two ago. They were both on the younger side 60ish and living for everyone else’s needs but their own self actualization and joy. Oh the lessons there sweet Silvia have been course altering/confirming.
I am in love with your story the more and more I learn about you. 🙌🏻😍
Love,
Rae
I always really enjoy reading your words Silvia, exploring and learning and feeling your way through. So inspiring and also calming 💫