Moonthly Letter II: Navigating the desire to create for me and for you
Reflecting on 2022, setting intentions for 2023 plus a small gift for you
Hey,
Can you believe we are almost at the end of this calendar year? Personally, I can’t believe I’ve already been back at my day job for almost 10 months after a year off due to my physical recovery. And what a journey these 10 months have been in and of itself.
I started with a phased return during which I realized actually I want to lower my hours permanently. This change happened in October and since then I’ve been fully immersing myself in my creativity.
It has not been without any hiccups. In the beginning, I thought naively I could just go all in and live the life I had envisioned. Instead, I found myself lost and overwhelmed. In the process, I learned that we can live our vision wherever we’re on our journey. That these visions have different versions. But it is the core of them that stays the same. It is the core of these visions that allow us to live a life full of intention and delight.
In a way, this month’s letter is really an extension of last month’s letter on finding our creative confidence and dealing with self-doubt. Naturally, as creatives and human beings, we want to be witnessed; we want our gifts to be witnessed by others. And there is nothing wrong with it in and of itself. The problem arises when we rely on external validation for our sense of self-worth; when we liken the followers and likes to our worthiness or abilities.
That to me personally is a very tricky territory. So much so that it was one of the main reasons why I chose to leave Instagram in June 2021. I realized that I was doing it as much for the likes and followers and the boost of self-worth they gave me as I was doing it to connect with like-minded people. And I was not OK with that. I knew I needed to sever the cord and find worth within myself.
I’ve been pondering and journalling a lot on these themes for the last month. My journal has been a safe space to open up and be direct with myself. In all honesty, I’ve tried making plans and creating various content calendars for next year. I’ve been hoarding various strategies in hopes to grow my YouTube channel and this email list but at the end of the day in my directness, I’ve felt no aligned connection to any of them. Which made me go back to my overarching intention with all that I am doing.
And that is simply following my delight.
Those three words have nothing to do with anyone but me. But I am starting to realize that when I live with that integrity, I naturally delight other people. My fire shines through everything that I choose to create. And when I let that guide my creativity, that’s when I live from my integrity. That’s the balance of creating for me and for you.
When I let my sacral responses guide my creativity, I know, I am not doing this to please others. I am pleasing myself first and foremost. Whereas when we are constantly thinking about the content that gives us the most likes or views or followers, are we truly living in alignment with our integrity?
Personally, I found the answer to that was a resounding no. And it is so easy to get lost in that trap. We’re human beings, after all. We want to be liked. We want to be witnessed. We want the pats on the back for a job well done. And it is part of being a creator of any kind. But if that is the only driver, if we’re only seeking that external validation, then essentially, we have a lot of inner work to be done.
The main lesson from all these ponderings during this past month is this: it is our work that does the talking.
For me, my desire to create comes first, and then the content gets built around it, not the other way around. I want to live a slow creative life for me and not for the content I create. In a way, the content is the wisdom I’ve been gathering whilst living this version of a slow creative life.
Thank you 2022, you have been a pivotal year in so many ways. Thank you for the lessons and the wisdom you imparted with. In honour of it all…
I’m choosing to leave behind the forcing of things.
I’m choosing to leave behind the incessant need to follow everyone else’s strategies.
I’m choosing to leave behind doing things out of “shoulds”.
Instead, may we all follow more of what lights us up.
May we listen to our own authority more.
May we trust our inner whispers.
May we find our own rhythm with creating, sharing, and selling.
May we learn to trust our own pace and timing of things.
May we shine our light as bright as we need to so that the perfect people can find us.
What are you choosing to leave in 2022 and what are you excited to take to 2023?
I also want to take a moment in this letter to welcome all the new faces. I see you. I appreciate you. Thank you for being here and I can’t wait to tread this path with you.
And since I haven’t actually done a proper introduction on my YouTube channel yet, I figured this is as good of a moment to remedy that. So in this month’s video, as I’m sketching out a sacral chakra mandala, I am also taking a walk down memory lane and talking about my creative journey thus far.
I am also choosing to release the videos as podcast episodes and blog posts for the people who’d rather listen in or read. You can find the audio and the written version here.
Please feel free to come over and introduce yourself. Can’t wait to hear about your journey.
If you’re familiar with astrology and Human Design, I have Gemini in my 10th House with MC and North Node and I am a 3/5 Generator. This walk down memory lane is a perfect example of these labels.
December Delights
*Twinkly lights and my very first handmade wreath. They fill me with joy every time I glance at them.
*My mother-in-law’s homemade mince pies. I’m generally not a fan of mince pies but homemade stuff is mouth-wateringly delicious. Can’t wait to sneak in a few more over the holidays.
*My Wild deodorant. I’ve finally found a sustainable deodorant that actually smells divine. I chose Jasmine & Orange and Apple & Cinnamon because why the hell not smell like an apple pie, right? If you fancy giving them a go, here’s my Friend referral code that will give you 50% off on your first order.
*Allison’s latest letter. Especially the following quote from it which made me rethink the intentions behind my own need to create and share:
“The truth is I am always creating for me and I am always creating for you. And if I lose too much of either the work suffers. And this might be true for every damn thing under the sun. When something I create impacts someone I want to be able to receive it. And I also don't want to need it. Balance balance balance.”
*These charcoal drawings. I’ve been doing some draw-alongs in preparation for my own pieces that I can’t dive into next year. It is a tricky medium, I find, but I am loving the challenge and figuring out how it actually behaves.
*Creating this January moon phase calendar wallpaper with my very own mandala. Gifting it to you fills me with so much joy that this might become a regular thing. You’ll notice I’ve marked the New and Full Moon with the zodiac signs for those of us who work with the energy of each moon phase. Note: the time of the phases is based on GMT so it may differ just a smidgeon depending on where you live.
Click below to download the version you want. I do feel that I need to give credit to my teacher Zak here. Thank you for teaching me how to create these moon phase drawings.
*This video from a Tennessee wrangler on figuring “it” out. Very male-oriented but his accent just drew me in and the wisdom can be applied universally.
*This song from Madi Diaz. The message is so timely. Been definitely navigating these emotions this year, especially having returned to work in the same old place with the same old people.
Wishing you a wonderful holiday season, whether you celebrate Christmas or winter solstice, or any other tradition. May we all find magic in the time we get to spend with people we love. May our bellies be filled with good food and lots of laughter. May we feel gratitude for everything we have rather than give in to the feelings of lacking.
I’ll see you in the new calendar year.
Love,
Silvia
Lovely message, Silvia. I am excited to leave behind this decade where I have lost myself and so much time in trying to pursue something that was not meant to be and possibly leave in 2022 all the associated anger that came with it.
For 2023 I am excited to take forward my whole rediscovered self and my interest in Buddhism and to finally meet again.
It's Silvia BTW, THAT one :)
Such a great message here. I love the Moon Phases calendar. Happy Solstice and Merry Christmas xx