Hey,
I hope you've had a good November, despite the rain and cold. Hopefully, you've found moments to cozy up in warmth and watched a good movie or read a great book. Or maybe you've had a surge in inspiration and found yourself endlessly making art or writing. Or maybe the opposite: you feel like slowing down and turning inward just as nature is becoming dormant. No matter the case, above all, I hope you're well…
Personally, November started off with both excitement and frustration. I was full of energy, wanting to make all the things all at once. I was overwhelmed by all the ideas circling around my mind. I was going around in circles, not quite sure what to do.
I brought home a bunch of drawing books, wanting to go back to basics, and teach myself the fundamentals. Instead, I got lost. Which path should I walk? I found myself drawing things I had no interest in, for now anyway. I was forcing myself instead of tuning in and following my delight.
For a brief moment, I felt utterly lost in my creative pursuits. The sheer thought of the size of this commitment to mastering my craft made me feel scared as hell. All the past projects I’d quit on kept rushing back to me. My seriousness got the better of me, yet again.
So I sat down with myself and listed all the things I love about art and art making. I made myself write down my joy list - the things that delight me, that fuel my creativity, that nourish my magic.
Honestly, there’s only ever been a few things on that list that haven’t changed much over the years. No matter the medium, I always come back to these three things: nature, landscapes, and natural forms.
So, instead of making everything and anything and feeling pressured by it all, again, I asked myself what it is that I would love to draw. I turned to my journal and did what I always do when in doubt, and that is exploring my inner landscapes with the Gentle Tarot as my guide.
And the answers poured out of me: clouds and trees.
So that is exactly what I've been focusing on.
Instead of focusing on the whole forest, I'm just looking at one tree, figuratively and metaphorically. And that has allowed me to simplify everything. Some drawings have worked and others not so much.
It is one thing seeing an idea in your mind's eye. It is a whole other thing to make it into a tangibly visible thing. The whole process made me ponder on self-doubt. So I made a little video about it whilst creating a cloud stippling that did NOT work out the way I envisioned. I share a little bit more of my journey and talk about things that allow me to walk this path with more creative confidence.
Below is the final piece of the one I'm stippling in the video. I had this idea to stipple more methodically, creating one line of dots next to the other, and building up layers and tones. I love the shapes of the clouds themselves but I got the toning wrong. And in my need to fix it, I ended up making a mess instead.
I allowed this mess-up to discourage me. Nothing was working how I wanted it to. I found myself comparing my stippling skills, or the lack of them, to artists who'd been doing it for years. And I know that it wasn't fair. I know better not to compare my journey and yet…I’m only human. I find that hard to admit to at times. The Virgo in me runs deep. The perfectionism in me runs deep. And I know I’m not alone in this.
So…
I reminded myself that this is my creative journey. I reminded myself that I love when things challenge me because I love that feeling of finally “getting it”.
I reminded myself that I love stippling. I reminded myself of my magic and my persistence. I reminded myself that tomorrow is a new day, a new chance to start again and learn from my mistakes, hopefully.
The biggest takeaway through all this frustration and doubt has been this - I've given myself permission to suck, to make work that is full of "mistakes", to get stuck, to walk away when something is not working, rest, and then come back. I don’t know about you but when I overthink a piece of work, it rarely works out. On the other hand, when I am in my creative flow and allowing things to happen intuitively, things just emerge from deep within. But I’ve learned that the flow does not equate to effortlessness. There are skills that still need to be mastered.
In a way, I blame the culture. We are taught to expect instant results, instant gratification, and instant validation for our efforts. The age of social media has made it our norm. Our pop culture has made it so.
We rarely stop and wonder whether we have even earned it.
Have we worked hard enough on our craft?
Have we persisted through the shitty stage long enough to even ask for validation?
Have we even given ourselves permission to suck in the first place?
I know I haven't. The perfectionist in me is very critical when I fail and when the piece doesn't work out as I imagined. But I've realised one thing - self-doubt is part of it all. It does not disappear. So, we have to learn to walk with it. We have to befriend our self-doubt.
The more we know what lights us up,
the more we trust our own magic.
I'm curious: how do you deal with self-doubt?
Do you have any specific tools that work for you?
If you've been my email friend for a while, you'll know I love making lists of things I love. I also love newsletters that share lists. It allows me to discover things I may not have found on my own. And so I'm adding that back into these monthly letters in the same hopes that you'll find a little hidden gem. I think of this list as my Delight list - things that have delighted me, and hopefully will add a bit of joy into your life too.
December’s lunar calendar during Zak's Full Moon session and the Full Moon stippling piece I made in honour of November’s Taurus Full Moon.
Making kefir with these grains. Little secret tip: I honestly believe talking to your grains will make them produce creamier kefir. :)
This letter from Katherine May. I especially resonated with the idea of making space instead of making time for our creativity.
The announcement of Susannah Conway's December Reflections.
This article about creative blocks by Louise Stigell.
Sarah Burns Studio's YouTube channel and her wonderful Discord community.
My cozy new hot water bottle is a blessing and a necessity in this old terraced house.
Getting inspired by bare trees showing off their wonderful trunks on my day job commutes.
This song by Anson Seabra.
I’m curious: what have you been delighted by lately?
Silvia, these are beautiful images. Give yourself grace and breaks to just take in the nature in between to realign with your purpose.
Might I suggest doing a finger painting project for fun to get your perfectionist side to loosen up and remember the joy in the mess and not caring if it’s good or not. Cheap kids paints and a price of cardboard, no need for canvas even 🤪🥳💗 friendly suggestion only.
I am so thankful for you sharing. And the video...beautiful. And I love that you talk to your grains! Fantastic.
Sending love your way,
Rae
Thank you for sharing this part of your creative journey. I particularly felt a pang of understanding when I read 'I reminded myself of my magic and my persistence. I reminded myself that tomorrow is a new day, a new chance to start again and learn from my mistakes, hopefully', and that part of the journey is the learning and being challenged part. It reminds me that the good stuff rarely comes easily, and requires work. I'm feeling the self-doubt at the moment as I take the first steps into launching a mailing list and free workbook. It feels big to put myself out there, but I've been reminding myself that I don't have to get it *right* first time, and that I can't let my fears stop me from doing what I know deep down is the right thing to do.